


Secrets & Lies

by seelovesawlove



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emo, F/M, Fame, Family Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idol Jeon Jungkook, Idol Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Idol Kim Namjoon | RM, Idol Kim Seokjin | Jin, Idol Kim Taehyung | V, Idol Min Yoongi | Suga, Idol Park Jimin, Idols, Multi, Other, Trauma, Video, Webcams, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 05:58:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16968996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seelovesawlove/pseuds/seelovesawlove
Summary: There was no going back from the secret relationship the two of you had kept from your audience. Army knows that you and Jungkook are more than what lies on the surface.





	Secrets & Lies

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this based off of the 2018 Billboard Vlive celebration the boys had back in May. Jungkook is pretty angsty in this but I wanted to portray how I think he would feel if he had a secret relationship and couldn’t express it to the world, specifically army. I know army is seen as the enemy in this but know that this is not how I feel about our fandom. I do however believe that there are some armies that would react this way. I am also no expert in knowing how the boys feel about being idols this is simply to add to the feel of this scenario. This was hard for me to write but I loved doing it and I am considering writing a sequel or a series to this if I receive enough feedback. Please enjoy and thanks for requesting~!

Your heart was racing, cold sweat dripping down your temples, legs shaking uncontrollably. You pinch yourself to make sure you aren’t dreaming, but the pain hurts too much not feel like reality. You look to Jungkook to see his reaction, but his head is face down into his palms. It was too late, the moment had lasted for far too long to not notice. There was no going back from the secret relationship the two of you had kept from your audience. Army knows that you and Jungkook are more than what lies on the surface.

You’ve known the boys for a few years now, you’d met them working as a staff member for one of their venue stops during the Wings Tour. Backstage Jungkook was playing Overwatch while waiting for the call to begin performing. You were sweeping the floor when you noticed him practically yelling at the laptop screen. You laughed at how into the game he was and couldn’t help but watch him play since you’d been a gamer and a fan of Overwatch. You decided to be bold -a trait you often lacked- so you walked up to Jungkook and started up a conversation. When he heard that you were a fan of Overwatch, he was thrilled. The two of you bonded over your love for the game and you were full on geeking out, embarrassingly, but he loved it. After the show, Jungkook asked for your username so the two of you could game together. You weren’t expecting him to ask since you were only just a staff member, but he knew that he probably would never see you again after the show. But if the two of you could play together online, maybe you could have a way of seeing each other again in the future. You smiled at him and he smiled back, flashing that adorable bunny smile of his and at that moment, you knew that things would change forever.  
You’d spent many nights together gaming and talking on the mic bonding not only on the game but also about life. He told you about his struggles of idol life, and you told him about how hard college life. The two of you lived completely different lives yet you shared so many similarities and values. Your friendship grew stronger, almost scaring you how fast things were going. You had thought of him as a friend but when he complimented you on how much he loved your voice and how hearing it made him feel at peace, things changed. You began to have feelings for him, unsure on how he felt until you confessed first in the middle of a match. It was a spur of the moment decision, but it the feelings you had for him were eating you alive. But to your surprise, he confessed that he liked you ever since you’d met that day backstage. You couldn’t believe that his feelings were that strong. You knew your heart would soon belong to Jungkook.  
A few months had passed, spending almost everyday facetiming and gaming whenever Jungkook wasn’t performing during the tour. The distance started getting the best of the both of you so one day he asked to fly you out once he was finished with the tour and returned to Seoul. You couldn’t help but feel excited, it would be the first time in months since you’d last seen each other and you missed him. Jungkook wanted to spend as much time with you as possible so when you told him you were finally getting a holiday break for two weeks he begged you to spend it with him. Of course, you couldn’t resist so you stayed in his dorm with the boys for the entire break. Each and every day your relationship had become stronger with not only Jungkook but the boys. You and Jungkook spent so many months talking long distance together and through it all the boys voiced their support. They were happy that their maknae had met someone who could bring so much joy to his life.  
During the time spent in Seoul, the boys showed you around, going out late at night to arcades, cafes, and even to 24/7 convenience stores to avoid fans as much as possible. Going out at such late hours in the night was something you had to adjust to, but you understood why. One day, you had overheard -from what little Korean you could understand- a bunch of fans talking about wandering the streets with a motive to try and stalk the boys. You were concerned so you when you told Jungkook and the boys what you’d heard they told you they were called sasaengs, overly obsessive fans, and that they were part of the reason they avoided going out in public during the day. It broke your heart knowing that they could never just walk the streets without getting noticed or stalked. From then on you understood just how different a lifestyle the boys lived as idols.  
About four days before you’d leave to go back to your life back home, Jungkook took you to his hometown Busan. After going out to his favorite restaurant one night, the two of you walked along the dock of a nearby beach. The waves were crashing, the breeze was warm, and moonlight hit Jungkook’s eyes so beautifully. It was a lovely evening and you didn’t want it to end. When Jungkook grabbed your hand softly, he asked you a question that would bring you head over heels, he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was so shy when he asked, not making much eye contact playing footsie with the sand ever so casually. You looked up to him and gently turned his face so you could place your lips on his. You shared your first kiss together and it was fireworks. You knew that your heart and mind were telling you to say yes.  
Months had passed and the two of you realized that the distance was becoming too hard so you decided to move to Seoul to be closer to Jungkook. You knew it would probably be hard to maintain a relationship in hiding but the two of you were willing to take that risk. When it came to spending time together, he would come to visit your apartment in the middle of the night and leave at the crack of dawn. You’d wished he could stay for longer than a few hours but it wasn’t possible. He had to avoid sasaengs and he was usually pretty busy throughout the day going to meetings or going to record in the studio. But Jungkook craved to let the world know you were his, even if it couldn’t be in public. Even if it was under the impression that the two of you had a professional relationship or were friends, he just wanted to show the world that you were a part of his life. The boys told him that your relationship with each other was already a risk, and doing anything such as coming out to the public officially together could ruin their career as a group.  
“What if I was just a childhood friend?” you suggested to the boys, “We could go on vlive and explain to army. Of course, there will be some people against it, but I’m sure there will be some who will support it,” They all thought silently to themselves not sure how to respond to such a perilous move. But of course, Jungkook was all for it, “I say we just go for it. I mean it’s worth a try.” He looked at Namjoon since he was the leader of the group. He made the decisions that were best for everyone and hearing his thoughts mattered the most. “It’s a huge risk..” Namjoon said, scratching the back of his head. You could tell what ifs were running through his mind. Yoongi, the biggest supporter of your relationship tried to help relieve Namjoon’s concern, “Listen Y/N, has been a part of our lives for so much time now. And the love between the two of them is strong enough to get through anything. If this changes things then so be it but we’ll never know unless we try.” All the boys except Namjoon shook their heads in agreement. Yoongi was right, you had been a huge influence in all of their lives for months now to the point that staff even knew about your relationship. You were best friends - no, family. Keeping such a secret away from army was killing you all inside. “This could potentially change our lives for the good…or the bad. But its a risk we are going to take,” Namjoon said finally after thinking things through. Jungkook ran up to his hyung and gave him the biggest hug. He gestured towards the rest of you all so that you could join and form a group hug. Namjoon was right, this confession would change things forever. The boys arranged a vlive with you on air. Jungkook introduced you as what you suggested, his childhood friend. He explained that he was feeling homesick and that he found out that you moved to Seoul not too long ago to show your support and work as a staff member for the upcoming tour. He was so thrilled talking about you but he made sure not to overdo it. You hadn’t planned it beforehand but the boys also pitched in and said a few kind words about you. “She’s a joy to have around, always supportive,” Jimin said with a smile. “Don’t know what I’d do without her impeccable fashion sense,” said Taehyung and Namjoon agreeing as well. “She’s hilarious, almost better than my dad jokes!” Seokjin said with his contagious windshield wiper laugh. You shook your head and laughed at how ridiculous he was. You glanced at Yoongi and he looked at you then gave you a nod. You knew he was the most supportive of your relationship so there was no need for him to say any words in front of army. Overall, it made your heart warm hearing how the boys felt about you and at first, army was supportive, sending messages of love and support. But in the back of your mind, you’d known it wouldn’t last forever.  
The night of the Billboard Music Awards, the boys had received the award for Top Social Artist for the second year in a row. You were so proud of them and the boys wanted to do a vlive to celebrate the big win with army. Months had passed and you’d already been in a lot of vlives with the boys so it wouldn’t be a big deal if you’d join in -well, so you’d thought. “Army won’t mind, I’m sure they’d love to see you,” Jungkook said trying to convince you not to worry. Although you’d been in many of their vlives, you had never joined a celebratory one. You made sure to give that night to army alone, always staying behind the camera. Part of the reason the boys made it this far was because of army and you respected that. You thought it would be best to have army assume you were back in Seoul so you haven’t made an appearance in any of their vlives since their time in the states. But Jungkook wanted you to be a part of this moment since you weren’t able to make it to last years win at the Billboards to celebrate because of uni. You asked the rest of the boys if they too wanted you there and they were on board as well. “You’ve been with us every step of the way, you deserve to celebrate with us too,” Jimin said, the boys nodded in agreement. It was true, whenever the boys felt down or unsure what to do they came to you for advice and encouragement. Knowing that they trusted you so much, felt like an honor. You nodded your head and followed the boys to set up in Jungkook’s hotel room to begin streaming.  
In his hotel room, there lied a huge couch, big enough to fit all of you on it. The boys sat wherever they wanted but purposely left a spot open for you to sit next to Jungkook. Immediately when you sat down, you felt yourself beginning to sweat everywhere. Your heart was beating uncontrollably, you felt jittery, something wasn’t right. “I don’t know about this…,” you whispered nervously to Jungkook. You knew how much their fans cherished having this time to celebrate their awards with them, even if it was through a screen. Disrupting this tradition, made you feel uneasy, guilty in a sense. “Baby, it’s okay don’t worry. I am so glad that you are here to share this moment with us and seeing your support will make army happy. Everything will be fine,” he said putting his arm around your waist, rubbing it gently. You nodded and rested your head on his shoulder, not wanting to pull away from his warm embrace. Hoseok started the vlive, without warning, and held up the camera to make sure everyone was in the shot. “Let’s wait for them to get the notification,” he said and the boys continued to wait. “Oh they are coming in,” Jimin said elbowing Jungkook to remove his arm from around you. The two of you were so wrapped up in the embrace that you had tuned everyone out. Jungkook turned to Jimin confused as to why he was elbowing him so hard and then looked up to see that the live had already begun. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself and quickly removed his arm from around your waist. Your heart sank as you lifted your head up from his shoulder and attempted to cough, trying to make it seem as though nothing happened, but it was too late. The comments were flooding and what you could read were hurtful words: “wtf? Why is she laying on Jungkook?” “Why are they so close to each other?” “She’s such a whore.” “This is our night who invited her?” “I swear if they are dating I will kill her, he’s mine.” You couldn’t believe that they were saying those things. The two of you slipped up once unknowingly and this was the result? How could you have been so foolish, you wondered to yourself. Sure, you had seen a comment here and there expressing hate in the past vlives, but never did you think the majority of the fans would collectively send you mean comments for such a minor occurrence. You were lost in your thoughts, unable to control your emotions when the tears began to run down your cheeks. When the boys read the comments they were in shock. They turned to you and voiced their concerns. “Y/N, it’s ok, please just ignore them,” Hoseok whispered. It was too late, you’d already read the comments and there was no way you could physically and mentally unsee them, but you’d wish you could. “How could they say such mean things,” Jungkook whispered, burying his head in his hands. He couldn’t hide the fact that he was both disgusted and disappointed in army. “Let’s just turn off the vlive for now, we’ll reschedule for another time,” Namjoon suggested after he realized that all of you wouldn’t be able to hide the hurt that was caused. Hoseok nodded his head and ended the vlive, looked down and sighed. You turned to Jungkook teary-eyed, “This is all my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have come.” He shook his head, denying your words immediately, “Y/N, don’t say that. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place.” He pulled you into your arms and wiped your tears from your face, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” You couldn’t even respond to what he said because, in reality, it was his fault. You knew you shouldn’t have been in the vlive but Jungkook was so sure that everything would work out. “Jungkook, you had no idea they would react that way,” Yoongi said realizing the pressure he was going through, “It’s a shame but they reacted that way, and I wish they hadn’t. Y/N, you don’t deserve this.” You looked up to look at Yoongi, he couldn’t help but shake his head, disappointed as well. “This is the life we have to face as idols,” Namjoon said wanting to bring some clarity to the situation, “Although we love our fans, there’s going to be haters also. But we can’t let them get to us– to you, Y/N.” You looked up to see Namjoon staring in your eyes, determined to speak his mind, “But for now, we can’t let this happen again. It’s best if Y/N doesn’t come on our vlives for a while just to wait until things calm down a bit.” Jungkook looked up at Namjoon with furrowed eyebrows and said, “Namjoon hyung, that’s not fair. Can’t we just pretend as if nothing happened?” Jimin spoke up and said, “Jungkook, I don’t think that’s possible. The damage has been done.” Jungkook looked around to look every one of his members in the eye, but they couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, they were all ashamed in the decision that would have to be set in stone. “Are you guys serious? You literally just said that we can’t let them get to us but you are saying the exact opposite,” he raised his voice, unable to control his temper. Taehyung saw that his emotions were getting the best of him so he spoke up and said, “Jungkook calm down, alright? She’ll be able to come back on but only when things settle down. It’s for b-” Jungkook lifted up his arm from around you and interrupted Tae practically yelling, “For the best? This isn’t fair! We can’t date in front of them, now I can’t have a “friend” that’s a female without getting hate? Everything was fine, it honestly looked as though I was just comforting her but they blew shit out of proportion. This is fucking insane. I wish we never-” “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” Seokjin said he was quiet, buried in his thoughts until now, “Without our fans, we would be nothing! They are the reason we are here today, winning these awards, going on tour, topping billboard charts. Don’t you ever forget that! You should be grateful for the good and the bad, whether you like it or not. Now she’s not coming back on for a while and that’s that damnit!” The room was silent for a few moments. You had just noticed how cold the air was, metaphorically and physically. Everyone just stared at each other unable to put anything into words. You sat there, tears stopped pouring from down your eyes. You were shocked at how things escalated so quickly, but you knew it was inevitable. “Fuck this,” Jungkook said, getting up from the couch and walking out of the hotel room. It was the first time you’d witnessed an argument between the boys this big in front of you. You were unsure of what to say or what to do. “Y/N, we’ll have you back on again once things settle down. Please know that none of this is your fault. We love you,” Namjoon said reaching over to press his hand on top of yours. Jimin joined in to comfort you and pressed his hand on your thigh. The comfort the boys were giving you helped grasp your hurt. But you couldn’t help but sympathize with Jungkook’s pain even more, after all, he was the one who had to live his life as a lie daily in front of his fans. Smiling whenever he was really upset or going to interviews when he’d rather sleep in. He had to appear as if he had his shit together 24/7. But that’s the life of an idol, and it was tough. But you knew you could never be able to relate unless you were in his shoes.  
You nodded your head and got up from the couch to go outside the hotel room to look for Jungkook. He was right outside sitting down, leaned against the wall in the hallway. You sat next to him and gently reached to hold his hand, “Tell me what you’re thinking about right now.” He looked straight ahead taking a second to gather his thoughts before responding with, “Everything.” You turned to look at him and replied, “Everything as far as…?” He looked down again unable to face you, “My life, my career, our relationship. It’s just, all a lie. And I’m sick and tired of lying all the time.” Jungkook closed his eyes and began to cry, wiping each tear before it ran down his cheek. You put your arms around him and pulled his head to rest on your chest. You hadn’t realized things had gotten this tough for him lately. Of course, his schedule had been jammed packed with press conferences for the album and interviews back to back but you hadn’t really thought about how much pressure he had gone through until now. “Jungkook what we have is real, it’s not a lie. Sure we have to pretend to be friends in front of army and sure we can’t go out in public to go get ramen and sure we can’t post pictures of just the two of us on social media but that’s just the way it has to be,” you hoped your words could help him see a different perspective, “The people closest to us know about it and guess what? They support us 100% and I couldn’t be more thankful.” You paused for a moment noticing he stopped wiping his tears and continued, “But Jungkook you have a career, and that career requires you to sometimes put your feelings aside and I know it’s hard but you’ve got to do it. But know that I care about your feelings, and I will always listen to what you have to say no matter what.” He nodded his head and wiped another tear. You continued, “And Jungkook, your life is not a lie. You are talented, hilarious, sexy as hell- have you seen your abs?” The two of you laughed, relieving the tension that was shared, “And not mention the best fucking boyfriend in the world.” He lifted his head up to look you in the eye, face puffy from the tears shed, “You-you really mean that?” A single tear ran down his cheek and you wiped it away gently, leaning in to kiss his soft lips. “Every word.”


End file.
